In My Stillness

You knock and i stand paralized

blood rushing through my veins

racing with the pounding of my heart

trying to decide if i'm really ready

to open that door and let you in...


"coming", i say

not moving, afraid of letting you go

afraid of letting you in

i need a little more time

to subdue my emotions

dismiss my anxiety ...


i know she's still in your heart

dearly holding on a future with her

so i chose to give you time to find out

without compromising myself.


i'm dying inside

tears fall endlessly

i square my shoulders

reinforce the wall around my heart

bravely deciding that anything else

would be a pleasant surprise..


i adjust my smile

remain a touch of distance

and a smidgen of nonchalance

in reserve for masking secret pain

you see, i'll smile

even if it kills me...



so, with facade intact

resolve tightly in place

i close the door

And quietly, walk away ...



Seemed eternity passes

i sat in the stillness

of the wind

patiently waiting

carefully heeding

trusting...

listening...

to the still voice

of the Spirit



i guess, that is all i could do

yes, that's the best thing for now.